Medieval London’s approach, on the other hand, brings to mind one of those cartoon fiascos where someone keeps trying to plug a hole in a leaky boat only to have several more water spurts pop up in its place. “Instead of having passageways, which were underneath the pavement and flowed into the rivers, sewers became open and public facilities were connected directly to the streams and rivers, making a long system of tunnels and pipes unnecessary.” The Roman model, while still not an A+ in sanitation, would have done a better job of sparing the senses because it more efficiently moved water in and out of the city. “Without anyone to flush the old tunnels and keep them clean, old London disregarded and soon forgot about its precious subterranean Roman legacy,” wrote cultural historian Craig Taylor in a comparison of waste management (PDF) in ancient Rome and medieval London. Though Roman London did have a sewer system that emptied into the River Thames and its connected streams, it fell into disuse by the medieval period. It’s a common misconception that people of the Middle Ages were relieving themselves all over the place, but the reality is that they simply didn’t have the same quality of facilities available to them to get rid of their stuff. Multiply that by the number of days in a year and you can see why medieval folks were quickly up to their knees. Medieval London’s population of approximately 100,000 people produced about 5,000 kilograms (or 11,000 pounds) of human waste every day-approximately the weight of an adult Asian elephant (first link opens a PDF). Though a disorienting succession of food and foul odors would no doubt take your attention while walking the streets of any bustling metropolis today, things were a bit funkier back in the Middle Ages. If you were to time travel back to a major medieval city, perhaps the first thing you’d notice would be the stench. Sometimes their ideas worked out well for them, and sometimes they really did not. Medieval people, given the circumstances, were doing the best they could. Sure, the Middle Ages was full of gross stuff, but so is New York City. But schadenfreude isn’t particularly informative, and if you’re at all interested in historical accuracy, you should try reading something besides that “Medieval People Were Nasty As Hell” clickbait. We wouldn’t try to take that away from you. (Obviously, the toxin part wasn’t well-known at the time.) Looking at the hygiene and grooming practices of people living over half a millennium ago is a perfect distraction from your own miserable failures and existential quandaries, and everyone you’re making fun of is too far gone to care or defend themselves, so really, it’s a perfect setup. It’s a bit like watching a reality television show so far removed from your reality ( Jersey Shore Family Vacation, anyone?) that you can’t help but feel better about your own life because, damn, look at these poor fools still gyming, tanning, and laundering ! Or, in the case of medieval people, slathering a well-known toxin all over their faces in the name of beauty.
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